


All You Need Is Love

by vikingrawr



Category: Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Ami/Yumi, F/F, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 04:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4334234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vikingrawr/pseuds/vikingrawr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is a self-harming punk girl supposed to do when she's fallen in love with her cute and bubbly pink-haired best friend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay, hi there! thank you for your interest in my story, this is probably one of my favorites i've written. however, i started this fic when i was in 8th grade, so the first couple of chapters are especially not good. please bare with it, i picked this up again in high school and i promise my writing got better. anyways, i hope you enjoy the story as much as i do!

The lights blinded me because they were so damn bright. I shaded my eyes with my hand and squinted. Kaz was standing there in front of the stage. "Hey Kaz, tell those assholes to not make the lights so damn bright!" I yelled at him. He sighed. "You always have something to complain about, don't you, Yumi...?" Since I could finally fucking see again, I crossed my arms. "Pft. Only because you guys fuck everything up." Ami looked over at me. "Maybe you're being a bit harsh..." I looked back at her. "Maybe he's just a pussy."

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I glared at it. "How do you live with yourself...?" I slipped off my wristband and set it down. I returned my glare to the mirror. "Just because you're a rockstar doesn't mean you're worth a damn..." I picked up my razor blade and looked closely at my purpleish-blue eyes. "Maybe you need to be taught a lesson..." I put a drumstick between my teeth and bit down. I put the edge of the blade against my wrist. I bit down harder and dragged the corner of the blade across. I seethed in as I felt the blood run down my arm. I put down my razor blade and drumstick to wash off my arm. I wrapped the wound in gauze. Just as I was walking out, I heard a knock on my door. I quickly put my razor blade away and slipped my wristband back on. "Come in!" I called, straightening my wristband. The door slowly swung open.

"Yumi?" I turned to the door. Ami was standing in the doorway. "Come in, bro!" I threw on a smile and motioned her in. She stepped in and closed the door behind her. "Can I... Talk to you...?" She had a concerned look on her face. I gulped, but put the smile back on my face. "Yeah, sit down!" I quickly sat down, and she sat across from me. "So... What's up?" She looked at me with that sad look. I fucking hated it when she looked at me like that.

"Yumi... Have you been feeling... Okay... Lately?" She twiddled her thumbs. "Yeah." I put on the fakest look of concern I could possibly muster up. "And... You know you can talk to me about anything... right?" She stopped twiddling her thumbs and looked up at me again. "Yeah, of course! You're my best friend!" I put my smile back on. She smiled and hugged me. "Good, because you seemed really upset today and I wanted to make sure you knew that I'll always be here for you!" I went numb and hugged her back slowly. "Yeah." I pretended to sound happy.

"I'll be going then!" She skipped out of the doorway. "No problem!" I smiled, standing in the doorway. She turned around to wave at me. "Goodnight!" I waved back. "Night." I waited until she was out of sight before going back in. I slowly closed my door and sighed. I put my back against the door and sunk to the floor. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"All you need is love!"

I paused and looked up. Ami was singing in the other room.

"All you need is love!"

I brought my knees to my chest and held my head.

"All you need is love, love.. "

I let out a quiet sob.

"Love is all you need!"


	2. Chapter 2

I groaned at the light flooding my room. Kaz stood in the doorway. "Time to get up, Yumi!" I sat up and groaned some more. "What... time is it...?" He chuckled like the jackass he is. "6:15" I rubbed my eyes and glared at him. "Why so fucking early?" He gave me a funny look. "We have a CD signing today, don't you remember?" I paused for a second then flopped on my back. "Fuck." He chuckled again. "Just get up." I swung my legs off the bed. "Yeah, yeah..." He closed the door. "AMI, ARE YOU AWAKE?" He yelled down the hall. "YES, KAAZ!" I heard her call back. I groaned again and finally got up. I put on my favorite shirt and jeans. I slumped out of my room and into the kitchen. I sat down in my favorite chair and layed my head on the table. "Why do we have to do shit so early~?" I groaned into my arm.

I was startled awake by a loud clank. I looked to see a plate of eggs in front of me. I looked up to see Ami with another plate in her other hand. "Sorry, Yumi!" She giggled. I groaned and picked up my fork. "No worries..." I shoved a huge forkfull of eggs into my mouth. She sat across the table with her own plate. Kaz dragged himself into the kitchen. He looked at our plates, then scoped out the room. "Hey! Where's MY breakfast?" Ami giggled again. "Oops... It must have slipped my mind...!" I looked over at him lazily. "Make your own breakfast, baldie." He pouted and started pawing through the fridge. I returned my full attention to my plate and shoveled more food down my throat.

"Girls, we're here!" Kaz announced. Me and Ami both looked out of the window. There was a little record store. The winter snow blanketed it white and sparkly. I grunted and grabbed my jacket. It hadn't even been a minute before a crowd had already gathered around the bus. Girls squealing like pigs, and guys chuckling like fucking perverts. Hey, it was the life of a rockstar. When we stepped out, it only got louder. I would have gotten a headache by now if I wasn't used to this shit. Ami smiled and waved while I glanced around with my hands in my jacket pockets. We pushed our way inside, where a table was set up. There were two chairs, and stacks of our new CD. I pulled out my favorite permanant marker and sat down. Ami plopped down next to me. "Let the mobbing begin..." I mumbled.

CD after CD after CD... It felt like hours before we got a fucking break. But now, it was question time. Hoo-Fucking-Ray. After a few questions, Kaz picked out a new guy to ask another question. He stood up. "Have you guys ever KISSED?" He yelled out. I froze. The words echoed through my mind. Why did he have to ask something like that? I looked over at Ami. She was completely red and flustered. We had never kissed! But... I wish we had. I hesitated, but slammed my hands down onto the table and stood up. "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" I screamed. "THAT'S TOO FUCKING PERSONAL! WHAT KIND OF PERVERT WOULD ASK THAT ANYWAYS?" I breathed for a second. "FUCK. YOU." I knocked my chair over and stormed out of the back door. I leaned against the side of the building, watching my breath puff into vapor. I heard the door open.

"Yumi? You out here?" Ami poked her head out of the door. She looked around and finally saw me. She came out and closed the door. "Yumi!" She came over to me. I kept silent as she leaned against the buliding next to me. She kept her eyes on me. "Hey... Thanks for telling that guy off... That was super rude of him." She smiled. I sighed. "Whatever... He was an asshole anyways..." There was a short pause before Kaz came out. "Come on, girls! We gotta finish up questions!" I glared at him. "I'm not going back in there!" He gave me a stern look. "Now, Yumi!"

"NO!" I stormed off around the building and got back on the bus. Kaz sighed and went back into the store. Ami stood there for a second, Then she came onto the bus. I was sitting in a corner, hugging my knees. Ami sat down next to me. I buried my face in my knees. "Hey... It's okay..." But when she put her arm around me, I wanted to die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this is the chapter where my writing starts to get better, thank you for sticking through the horrible 8th grade writing.

I closed my eyes and brushed my hair back as hot water began to fall on my head. I sighed and looked down at my hands. I couldn't help but move my eyes to my scarred-up arms. I felt my eyes fill with tears as I recalled each cut, each bandage, each scab that I caused to appear on myself. My knees went weak and I found myself sitting on the floor of the bath tub. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face. Sometimes I wonder why I did this to myself. But then I would hear those voices in my head telling me I was weak, spineless, and that I could never win Ami. I hated letting other people have the last word, and I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them that I was stronger than they thought. They only come back when I question my self-harm. I finally came back to reality when someone started banging on my bathroom door. I realized my water was almost cold. "YUMI!" Kaz yelled through the door. "YOU'RE USING UP ALL THE HOT WATER! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR TWO HOURS!" My eyes went wide and I jumped up. "SORRY, KAZ." I yelled back, turning off my shower. I stepped out and grabbed my towel.

I finally left the bathroom, wearing my pajamas and drying my hair with my towel. I turned on the TV, and saw that the news was on. I would usually flip the channel, but I heard them mention us. The fake, douche-y anchorman continued on. "Thanks to a very personal question asked by a fan, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi's CD signing today in Tokyo was cut short." Apparently, someone was filming it, because they cut to a recording of the Q&A session. They replayed the scene where the fat asshole had the nerve to stand up and ask that shit. Then the part when I stood up, screamed at him, and stormed out. "It seems everyone's favorite purple haired gal has quite the temper!" The anchorman flashed his plastic smile. I threw my remote at the TV, hitting his virtual face. I flopped onto my bed and buried my head into the pillows. Fuck the media. Fuck the news. Fuck the perverted fans. Fuck. Everything. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave the bed. I eventually drifted to sleep.

I felt a warm breeze and I let my eyes flutter open. I was greeted by a pale blue sky, dotted with whispy clouds. I shaded my eyes and sat up. I looked around and saw that I was in a field. I could see nothing but a green horizon. I put my hand down and it landed on my lap. But something was weird. I felt something... smooth. I looked down and saw that I was wearing a white silk sundress. I stood up as another breeze caressed me. I was still looking at this random dress when I heard a familiar giggle behind me. I turned to see Ami in a matching dress, smiling at me. She looked so cute, I couldn't help but blush. She even had a daisy in her hair. She moved closer to me, her eyes locked on my face. I felt my face get warm from blushing, and I could only imagine how red I must be. She kept coming closer and closer until she was only inches away from my face. "A-Ami...?" Before I could add anything else, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were warm and soft, just like the warm breezes. But all of a sudden, everything went black, and I found myself laying down again. I sat up, but this time, I wasn't in a field. I was in my bed. And I wasn't in a white silk sundress, I was wearing my dark purple pajamas. I sat there for a second before there was a knock on the door. "Yumi?" Ami peeked into my room from the other side of the door. "Oh, you're already awake. I wanted to wake you up, since it's already 11:30." She smiled and closed my door, and I was greeted by the dimness of my room once again. I sat there for another few moments before finally getting up.

After changing, I went into the kitchen. I got a glass of orange juice and sat down. Ami came in and smiled at me. "Good morning! Anything in particualr you want for breakfast today?" I shook my head. "Nah, I'll just grab a bowl of cereal or something." "Alright~" She started fixing her own cereal. I stood up and threw open the cupboard. I looked around and decided to have some Fruit Loops. I carelessly spilled them into the bowl and got the milk. I sat back down across from Ami and shoved a spoonful in my mouth. "... Hey Yumi...?" I looked up. "Yeah, Ami?" She smiled at me. "I was thinking, if you're up to it, we could go shopping today. You seemed super upset all day yesterday because of that stupid guy, so I thought we could take it easy today." I looked at her for a second, but then I smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good!" I ate a little faster so that we could leave as soon as possible. When I finished, I put my bowl in the sink and rushed into my room. I gathered a few things to bring with me (My cell phone and some money). As I was going to leave, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I paused and turned back to my reflection. You could still tell I had smeared make-up on recently, and I looked a bit out of it. I smiled at my reflection. Usually, the voices would come at a time like this. But they didn't. They didn't say a thing. They wouldn't get me down today, anyways. Not today.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning was kind of a blur. One minute, I was still on the tour bus. The next, I was wandering through a strange mall with Ami. I was honestly pretty happy. We hardly had any time off as it is, and the fact that Ami wanted to spend it with me made me feel fantastic. She walked lightly and cheerfully next to me, while I was kinda slumped and heavy. It created the contrast between us even greater, making how much of polar opposites we were more obvious than usual. Although I was slumped and heavy, I actually had some swagger in my step. I was walking taller than usual. Ami has those affects on me. She kind of seemed like this glamorous super model movie star diva dragging around her mutt dog, which is me. I honestly wasn't thinking about my scars, or my fresh cuts, or about cutting myself later. My mind was on one thing and one thing only; Ami.

There was one thing that did strike me as odd. Nobody had come running up to us asking for autographs. Nobody gasped or squealed or shouted "Is that Puffy AmiYumi?!". Just people socializing and minding their own business. Ami was just as surprised as me. "Wait... Nobody has tackled us yet..." She started, partially sarcastically. "What's going on?" She looked at me with a puzzled face. I shrugged back. "Just be thankful. It's like having a true break from rock star-ing." I gave her a smile and she flashed one back. I found myself getting lost in it. It was so warm and bright, and her partially squinted eyes sparkled behind her eyelashes. It was like everything about her glowed brightly and swallowed me up. I looked away before I stared too long. Besides, the vivid image in my head was all I really needed.

I had never thought store shopping was so fun until that afternoon. Ami and I browsed every store in the entire mall. We bought things from nearly every store. My favorite score was a new pack of exclusive glow in the dark guitar picks that glow purple and red. Ami's appeared to be a new ruffly skirt she picked up at one of the girly stores. Our final stop was a tiny dress shop hiding in the very corner of the mall. It had all kinds of dresses, mostly casual and prom styles. I was shifting through a rack, and I froze. My gaze was fixed on a dress. It looked exactly like the dresses me and Ami were wearing in my dream. I looked over at Ami, who was browsing a few racks away from me. I looked back at the dress and began fumbling for the tag. It was exactly her size. I stood motionless, staring at it. Was I seriously considering showing it to her so she would buy it? If I showed it to her, she would love it. It was just her style. "Hey Yumi!" She called over to me. I looked up at her. "Look at this dress! I think you would love it!" She held up a knee-length dress that was a very dark purple, almost black. It slightly puffed out at the bottom, and the sleeves were loose and drapey. There was a thick, elegant ribbon around the waist that was a slightly lighter purple than the rest of the dress. I did really like it. Without thinking, I pulled the white dress off of the rack. "Hey, I have something you might like too!" I held it up for her to see.

We each left the store with the dresses the other found for us. I beat myself up a little bit. Why the ever loving fuck did I feel the need to show her that dress? Was I just dumb or did I want myself to suffer? Well, I could've answered that, but I didn't want to even think about that at the time. I was having a day out with Ami and I wanted to focus on nothing but her and positive. We soon found ourselves sittng in the food court munching on cheese fries. Ami rested her chin in her hands and watched the people walking around. After a few moments, she sighed dreamily. "There are so many cute boys here!" I almost choked on the fries. I could hear the voices coming back, telling me that Ami doesn't like me. I felt an overwhelming wave of negative wash over me, and I felt very unstable. I swallowed the lump in my throat, held back my tears, and put on a fake smile. "So I'm not the only one who's noticed?" We both laughed, but unlike her laugh, mine was hollow and fake.

. . .

I threw my bags onto the floor before stumbling across my bedroom. I threw myself down into the chair in front of the vanity. I wiped away my mascara tears as I stared into my own eyes. They were dark and empty. You hardly even needed to look at them to tell that I was fucked up. I opened up the bottom drawer of the vanity and pulled out a secret bottle of sake. I took a large swig and ignored the slight burning feeling it put in the back of my throat. I felt my face warm up as I pulled the bottle away from my face and dragged the back of my hand across my lips. It smeared my dark purple lipstick across my cheek. I didn't even care, I already had eye liner basically pouring down my face. I was so used to seeing myself looking like this by the end of the day. I stood up and pulled off my pants. I tossed them asside before rummaging through the drawer that I kept my blades in. I started panicking. I couldn't find them. I pulled out the entire drawer and dumped all of it's contents on the floor. I rummaged through the pile of dumped items, but no luck. I threw open the other drawers and did the same. Not a single blade to be found. Then it dawned on me.

Kaz.

Fucking Kaz.

He must have taken the blades from the drawers while Ami and I were out. I let out a growl and threw multiple things across the room. I ended up collapsing in a messy heap, surrounded by the piles of shit I dumped. I began to sob. Why did he even bother? I was beyond repair, and he knew it. There was nothing he could do to stop me, not even hiding my blades. The voices became louder because I was unarmed. Instead of their usual speaking tone taunting, they were now screaming in my ears. Screaming that I was worthless, that I am a fat ugly bitch, and that I could never win Ami's heart. They became overwhelming. I flew over the handle and began to have a panic attack. I bolted into the bathroom and threw open the medicine cabinet. I found a full bottle of sleeping pills. I wasn't quite sure why I had it, but an odd rush of thankfulness washed over me that I did. I opened it and stared at the little blue capsules. I stopped for a moment. I actually paused to reconsider. Did I want to end it... or keep trying?

I blacked out as my hands fumbled to put half of the pills in my mouth one by one.


	5. Chapter 5

My body lurched forward as as I began vomiting. I struggled to breathe as I stood up and stumbled out of my bathroom. I tried to gain my balance by leaning on my vanity, but I ended up vomiting on it and knocking it over with a loud crash. I tried to stand up again. My body felt numb and I could hardly feel the plastic medicine container still clutched in my left hand. I stumbled towards the door, my vision blurring. I heard loud pounding on my door, followed by Ami's cries. "Yumi?!" She continued pounding on the door, fear in her voice. "Yumi, are you okay?!" I fell over, curling up on the floor and vomiting once again. Ami flew the door open and let out a loud gasp. "YUMI!" I could tell she was starting to cry, but I could hardly focus. My consciousness fluxuated in and out, my eyelids becoming heavy. I could feel her shaking me, but my hearing started to muffle. "YUMI, COME ON!" Ami let out a sob. "YUMI!" I heard Kaz yell before my consciousness finally slipped away from me.

When I woke up, I found myself surrounded by white. I panicked and bolted upright, thinking I was dead. But I found that it was just a hospital room. I looked down and saw the hospital robe covering my body. I held my head in my hand, a migrane throbbing through it. "Yumi!" I heard Ami's voice, and looked over to see her looking at me with a mixture of sadness and relief. Kaz was fast asleep in the chair next to her. All I could do was look at her with despair, the memories of last night coming back to me. I felt the warm sting of tears beginning to fill my eyes. I couldn't look at her anymore, so I turned to look at my lap and hid my face behind my sweat-drenched hair. "Yumi..." Ami repeated herself. I could hear the shifting of her body in the chair and I could tell that she had leaned towards me. "... What were you doing with those sleeping pills...?" I began to shake and I clutched the blanked tightly. "It's nothing that concerns you..." I said coldly. "But it DOES concern me!" There was fear and desperateness in her voice. "Yumi... I almost lost the person closest to me last night... Don't you think that would concern me?" I'm not going to lie, that took me off guard. I looked at her again, tears covering both our faces. She stood up and pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly. "Stop hurting yourself, Yumi..." She sobbed weakly. All I could do was bury my head in her shoulder.

Kaz, Ami and I were all silent as we walked into the elevator. Kaz pushed the button to go to the main floor. After a moment, the door opened again on the main floor. We continued on, Ami pushing my wheelchair. There was a heavy, depressing air around us that didn't really fit. There was an elderly couple having a reuniting hug after one was just discharged. A proud new father hurried through the door with a bouquet and a handfull of "It's a Boy!" balloons. Two girls, one in a hospital robe, chatted happily. But then there was us. Each of us with a solemn look on our faces, the evidence of crying on mine and Ami's. We passed them all by, none of their happiness sticking to us. I felt so helpless. All I could do was stare down at my hands and let Ami push me along. There was no doubt she now knew about my problem. The hospital gown left my legs and arms exposed, also putting my scars and cuts on display. People kept staring at them and it made me want nothing more than to stand up and smash their teeth in. But I was too weak to move too much. I would probably collapse before I got the chance.

I loaded up my tray with food. Apparently, they still needed to pump my stomach, so I had absolutely nothing in my system. My stomach growled at me for food. The tray in my lap, I wheeled up to the cash register to buy the food. I plopped a wad of money in the cashier's hand and wheeled away into the dining area. I saw Ami sitting at a table already with a tray of her own, so I wheeled over and set my tray down. After a moment, I couldn't stay quiet. "Ami, I..." I hesitated when she looked at me, her usually bright eyes heavy and dark. "... I'm sorry... for all the trouble..." I looked down. I could feel her gaze trying to pry me open. "Yumi... You should have talked to me... Why didn't you...?" Her words sounded empty, yet so full of emotion at the same time. I kept my head down, gripping my knees. "I... I have my reasons..." I heard her smack her hand on the table. "What reason could you possibly have for not talking to me about this?!" She said a little louder, a trace of anger in her voice. "I... I..." I hesitated. I heard footsteps coming coming towards us and I looked up to see Kaz with his own loaded tray. He sat down and plopped it down on the table. "Oh, man, I'm really hungry!" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. He shrank back when he saw the empty expressions on Ami and I's faces. A couple minutes before, I had felt hungry. But then, in that moment, I felt nothing but guilt filling my entire body.

. . .

I stared at the date on my phone. Three weeks since I had nearly overdosed. I sighed heavily. Getting the vomit out of the carpet had been absolutely terrible. All three of us scrubbed the shit out of it for five days straight at finally got the stains to be in a state of "not that obvious but if you look hard enough, you can see them". My vanity had been returned to it's original state. Everything was put back in the drawers, with the exception of the bottle of sake. Kaz took it, saying that "I shouldn't be drinking!" and "That's why I was in such bad condition!". We both knew that was bullshit. Little did he know that I picked up smoking, too. I only smoked in my bathroom, though, so that it would be harder for anyone to pick up on the smell. Thinking about it made me want a smoke, so I got up and walked over to the bathroom. I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the sink cabinet along with a lighter. I stepped into the bathtub and opened up the bathroom window. I sat down in the bottom of the tub and lit up a cigarette, taking a deep first hit.

The voices had been rather quiet since my trip to the hospital. I wasn't sure, but maybe the unexpected suicide attempt had rendered them speechless. I tried not to think about that, and to instead enjoy this strange yet peaceful silence while it lasted. The voices would come back eventually, I knew they would. I flicked the ashes down the drain before leaning back and relaxing. Ami was singing again. But this time, instead of crying, I just closed my eyes and let nothing else move me. I wanted nothing more than to hear Ami sing.


	6. Chapter 6

I sat up slowly, my back being ambushed by a sharp pain. Damn, I thought, I must've passed out in the bathtub last night. I noticed I still had a cigarette butt in my hand, so after giving it a look, I tossed it into the toilet. Slowly I stood up, fighting against the aches rippling through my body. I slumped down onto the toilet seat, looking at my bare feet. Small patches of black nail polish littered my toenails. Maybe I should have Ami redo these for me... you know... once we're cool again... I shook the thought from my mind. Ami had already told me that she forgave me, and that I was okay and that's all that mattered. She even said that everything was said and done, so there was no point in lingering. I couldn't honestly say that I agreed with her. I wasn't okay. There was something seriously wrong with me. I couldn't even deny it. But somehow, when she said those words, it filled me with gladness. I had expected her to give up on me, leave me behind because I was such a lost cause. But she still saw something in me, I could see it... The way she looked at me, her eyes filled with light... If only she would notice the light in my eyes when I looked at her...

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands quickly. I needed to clean up my mess before someone came in and discovered my newest bad habit. Just another item on my list of baggage. Right underneath three years of self harm and near anorexia. I wasn't sure it could get any longer, but then again, there was so much already wrong with me, what was one more problem? I splashed my face with cold water to get me away. Needless to say it worked. I had no towels, so my shirt had to make do. I did have a beat up, stained wash cloth that came in handy when scrubbing the ashes off of the bathtub. They hadn't been there long, so thankfully, it was an easy job. I used some air freshener to get rid of the lingering smoky smell. The air freshener smelled obnoxious, but if it covered my tracks, I could live with it. I briskly left my bathroom and began rummaging through my closet for some clothes. I found the dress Ami had found for me at the mall. I looked at it for a while. Man, these sleeves suck... I thought to myself. ...Maybe I should make some little improvements... I grinned at it before tossing it on my bed. I grabbed a few tools and accessories and began my work.

Fifteen minutes had passed since I began my redesigning. I looked at myself in a large mirror hanging on the wall. The ribbon on the waist was left alone, but I had cut off the sleeves and the neckline so that my shoulders and chest could be seen. I cut up the bottom of the dress to be kind of ragged. After adding a couple fluffy petticoats and some ripped up leggings, I thought I looked pretty bad ass. I thought for once that I liked the way I look. I decided to add a spiky choker with matching bracelets, some spiky toed boots and a skull hairpin. I really liked the outfit. I was thankful for Ami finding it. I fixed up my makeup and left my room behind, taking a strange confidence with me. Kaz passed me in the hallway and turned around to give me a funny look. "Wow, Yumi, what are you so dressed up for?" He had a slightly condescending tone in his voice. Still walking, I twisted back to flip him off. "For myself." I twisted back forward without slowing down, leaving him standing there, puzzled.

I let out a soft yawn as I stepped into the kitchen. Ami was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. She turned around to see who came in, and when she saw me dressed up, she dropped her spoon and her jaw dropped slightly. She then smiled and let out a small giggle. "You look nice today, Yumi. I see you made some adjustments to the dress." I looked at her as I poured some cereal into a bowl. "Yeah. As much as I liked it, the sleeves were terrible. I like this look much better." I gave Ami a quick wink before reaching into the fridge to get the milk. Ami took another bite of her cereal before speaking. "Hey, We're heading to LA today for a concert." My eyes widened a little and I turned to look at her. "No kidding." Ami shook her head and and smiled. "Absolutely no kidding." I smiled back at her and put a hand on my hip. "Aw man, that brings back some really awesome memories!" I couldn't hide the excitement in my voice. Me and Ami had known each other for a while, but the first time we were ever in LA, that was when we promised to be best friends forever.

We had met a few months before then, when our recording company decided to make us a two-girl band. To be honest, when I first saw Ami, I didn't think I would like her very much. I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine, but a ray of sunshine was exactly what she was. She was way bubbly and happy and it honestly made me a bit uncomfortable. But we got acquainted and recorded some music together, her joking and being happy and me just being... well... me. But we were both caught off guard when our new album became an overnight hit. People sent us all kinds of fanmail telling us how wonderful we were and how they would be absolutely thrilled if we toured. Naturally, because of all the positive feedback, the "Big Man" had Kaz, our new manager, set up some tour dates and locations. We were official stars. We still weren't too close, still just new friends. But LA changed all of that. LA was our first stop, and a lot of people came to see us. I didn't really understand how we had so many fans already, but there were at least two hundred people there. We decided to accompany each other for a little exploring around the city. We each knew that we should try to be friends, since we were obviously going to be stuck with each other for quite some time. The air was cool but smoggy and slightly suffocating. I was used to city air, though. I had been living in Tokyo since middle school, after all. After a while, your lungs can handle it. I assumed Ami was also city dynamic, since she seemed unaffected by the air. We made small talk, but it seemed in to time at all, we were wrapped up in a feelings jam. She told me pretty much her life story, about how she had a good home life but was often harassed at school and at work. I ended up telling her mine in return, about my abusive father, how when I was eight, my mother left him and took me with her, about the fake cheating asshole who became my stepdad, and about how my school days were spent beating up the boys and getting suspended regularly. I started to realize during that conversation that we could actually be pretty good friends. We were crossing an intersection when a drunken driver turned a corner at high speed, blowing red lights and speeding straight towards Ami. I pulled her out of the way quickly, and just barely got her to safety. He zoomed passed us, getting t-boned in the intersection by a car unable to stop in time. Ami clung to me, breathing heavily. We both watched as cars ended up crowding the accident, the faint sound of police sirens that were on their way. Ami swallowed and looked up at me, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. "You... you saved me, Yumi..." She managed out between heavy breaths. I blinked down at her, also breathing heavily. "Yeah... I-I guess I did..." My voice stammered and stuttered. We both returned our gaze to the accident, police now blocking pedestrians from entering the scene. After that, we pinky-swore to always have each others backs. We hurried back to the venue and ended up playing a fantastic new show.

And then, three years later, we were still in the band, still best friends. The only difference was that I ended up falling hopelessly in love with Ami. I snapped away from the memory and sat down with my bowl of cereal, taking a huge first bite. "Yeah, I'm kind of excited." Ami's bubbly tone made my heart skip a beat. After a few moments of thought, I looked up at her. "Hey Ami...?" She looked up at me. "Yeah, Yumi?" I hesitated for a second. "I think we should pay a visit to the intersection that began our friendship." Ami thought for a moment, but smiled. "Yeah, that's a great idea." Kaz appeared in the doorway. "What are you two girls talking about in here?" He leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms and smirking. Ami turned around, her smile in tact. "Me and Yumi are just excited to go back to LA!" I added in a nod. "We shoulda gone back sooner, Shortie." I smirked back at him. He gave me a look. "Ha ha. To be honest, I'm still nervous about going to LA after that accident..." I swallowed my mouthful of cereal. "That was three years ago, Kaz. Stop being a paranoid jackass." Ami giggled and chimed in. "She's right, Kaz. It's been a long time, there's no need to get so paranoid." He looked at us for a moment before tilting his head down and sighing. "You may be right... but I still can't shake this weird feeling." I pointed at him with my spoon. "Maybe you just need to take a shit." Ami giggled, but Kaz looked at me grimly. "I'm very serious, Yumi. I feel like this time might not end so well as the last." That shut me up. God damn it, Kaz, way to be a buzzkill... Now I couldn't help but think of terrible things. I finished my cereal and dumped my dishes in the sink. "I'm going to go do some practicing." I sighed, then turned to Ami. "When you're done, you're welcome to join me." She smiled back and nodded. "Okay!" I passed Kaz in the doorway, my smile gone, saying nothing to him. "Yumi..." I heard him whisper. I turned around to see him away from the doorway, facing me. "Be careful in the city." I stared at him for a moment before silently turning back around and continuing to my room.


	7. Chapter 7

I stepped off of the tour bus and inhaled a deep breath of city air. All around me was the sound of bustling city traffic. With Ami by my side, I began to wander off. "We'll be back later, Kaz." I waved. "Yumi." He addressed me in a serious tone. "Remember what I told you." I chuckled and shook it off. "Yeah, whatever." We began walking off again, leaving Kaz by the tour bus with a worried expression on his face. He wasn't going to screw up our first time back in LA. I pointed out a little bar across the street from us. "Hey Ami, remember that place?" She looked over and giggled. "Yeah, we had drinks there after the show!" We both laughed for a moment before continuing down the street. I felt amazing. The last time me and Ami had spend any time like this together had been the mall. And that was the day that I freaked out and tried to overdose on sleeping pills. I wondered if she was worried I might try something tonight. I wouldn't blame her if she was. I couldn't tell if it was even on her mind at all. If it was, she was hiding it well. She looked very happy and chipper. Her happy atmosphere was stronger than it usually was. I felt myself being surrounded by it, driving out my negative atmosphere. It was nice. She hadn't done that in so long, it was very refreshing. I think her new perfume was also overpowering me, but I didn't mind it because it smelled lovely.

We stopped walking. We looked at each other, then to the street signs. Those too familiar street signs. We had found our intersection. "Welp... there it is..." I smiled, my voice laced with a trace of wonder. I could feel Ami's excitement intensify. The cross light was still just a red hand. I shoved my own hands in my pocket as we waited. It felt like forever until the red hand switched to a blue person. We walked forward. Only this time, there were no squealing tires, there was no revved up engine, there was no crazy drunk. We managed to get across with no accidents. Once we were across, we both turned to look at the intersection again. I began sweating, wondering if maybe this was a good opportunity to tell Ami... "Hey, Ami, I gotta tell you something..." The words poured out of my mouth before I could think. She turned to look at me. "What is it, Yumi?" I gulped and managed to a split second to think. "It's just..." I hesitated before speaking again. "Being back at this intersection made me think... about how thankful I am that you're my friend..." God damn it. God fucking damn it. I had the perfect opportunity... "Aw shucks, Yumi, I thought the same thing!" She smiled at me. "If you hadn't saved me those years ago, I don't know what would have happened!" I felt my face warm up and I could only imagine the blush on my face right now. Then, with a swift movement, she took my hands in hers. "I am still so grateful for that." She sounded more serious, but there was still a huge smile on her face. She was looking deep into my eyes. I wonder if she could see the spark she gave them. I chuckled and looked down. "It's not a big deal, you know. I had a new friend who I didn't want to get hurt." She smiled even wider. "You're the only person who's ever cared so much for me. That's not nothing to me!" The smile left my face and I looked at her with wide eyes. Was she being serious? Did she mean that? Before I could think too hard, she pulled me into a tight hug. "You're the most important person in my life, Yumi." I felt a tear trickle down my face as I hugged her back. "Heh heh... ditto." After what felt like an hour, we finally pulled away from each other, both wiping tears from our eyes. "Hey, how about we do some more exploring?" I suggested. Ami sniffled and nodded her head with a smile.

After wandering around for another ten minutes, we found a burger place to get something quick to eat. We hadn't eaten in a while, and we needed something to get our strength back after that crying. We ate our food while sharing plenty of laughs. After eating, we continued our adventure of the city for at least another hour. I never thought it possible, but me and Ami became even closer during our city escapade. While I was happy about that, it also made me fearful. I've never been so attached to someone the way I was attached to Ami, and I couldn't shake off this feeling that if I told her about my feelings, our friendship would crumble. She was the most important thing to me, and I didn't want to ruin that with my silly infatuation. I mean, a silly infatuation was all it was, right? I had trouble even imagining me having the capacity to be actually in love with anyone. An infatuation was probably the closest I would be able to get to love. That's how I felt, anyways.

I was kind of thankful when we got back to the bus. It was colder than shit outside and I hadn't worn in the boots yet, so they felt weird on my feet. Ami looked like she was a little worn down, so it was probably a good idea to take a break before the show. We continued our laughing in the kitchen, each of us with a cold glass of orange juice. Kaz came in with a look of relief on his face. "So, did you girls enjoy yourselves?" He managed to smile. Ami giggled. "Yeah, we saw a lot of cool stuff around the city." She smiled back. I smirked up at him. "Yeah. I saw a hobo." Me and Ami both broke into a laugh, and we managed to get a chuckle out of Kaz. "Well, I'm glad you both came back okay. The show starts at seven, so you've got a few hours to recharge for the show." He then left the room, waving to us. We looked at each other for a short moment before breaking into laughter once again. I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a while. I guess we really were passed the sleeping pill incident. I was glad for that. I had made Ami so upset, and I thought I would never smile with her again. The fact that we went back to smiling and laughing so soon made me absolutely thrilled. Maybe LA was our lucky city.

. . .

The show was an absolute hit. The crowd was crazy and we played our hearts out. Not a single person in the crowd was still. Everyone was jumping and dancing and singing and cheering. I had forgotten how great the LA crowd was as well. I didn't know why we didn't come to LA more often. After helping man the merch booth and signing more shit than I cared to count, we sneaked out back to have some post-show drinks. We went to the same bar as last time. This time, however, the bartender recognized us as the rock stars we were. Last time we were there, he didn't believe us that we had just performed a show. But by now, we were pretty big everywhere, so you could hardly find a person who didn't know of us. He nervously apologized about it when we sat down at the counter. Ami and I both laughed. "It's no big deal. We were tiny shits back then." I waved my hand at him to motion for him to let it go. "Yeah, it's nothing we'd hold a grudge about." Ami added with another tiny giggle. "Hey, do you remember what we had the last time we were here?" I asked with a smile. He nodded. "Coming right up." In a matter of a few minutes, he set down two fruit cocktails in front of us. "Here you go. These ones will be on the house." He smiled at us. "Oh man, you rock!" I exclaimed before taking a large swig. "Yeah, thank you so much!" Ami added happily before taking a sip. I felt a little nostalgic drinking with Ami. We hardly drank, but we always made sure we mutually wanted a drink before we did anything. We only drank together. Except I sometimes drank alone secretly, which was why I had a bottle of sake hiding in my drawer before Kaz took it. I hoped he never told Ami about it.

After another drink, we decided to head out. He paid the bartender and made our way out, waving back at him. We stood outside for a moment, enjoying the feel of the cool air against our warm cheeks. "Hey." I looked at Ami. "Wanna go to the intersection one more time before we leave?" She thought for a short moment, then smiled. "Yeah, sure!" We linked arms and began walking towards the intersection. We were only buzzed, but we still stumbled a little bit here and there. We laughed about nothing and everything as we walked. When we finally made it to the intersection, our light was red. We waited, arms still linked, as cars sped passed us. Our light finally turned blue, so we began making our way across. I heard tires squealing, but I couldn't pin point where. Then everything happened in a flash. There was screaming and a loud car engine, the sound of a speeding car. I didn't have enough time to react, and the next thing I knew, I saw Ami flying up onto the windshield of a car. The car kept speeding away as Ami fell to the ground in a heap. "AMI!" I threw myself to my knees next to her and picked her up. "AMI! SPEAK TO ME, AMI!" Her eyes were closed, but her body was limp and she was struggling to breathe. I could tell she was unconscious. Tears started pouring from my eyes as I looked around frantically. "SOMEONE, CALL AN AMBULANCE!" I shouted at the people who were beginning to form a crowd around us. A few people pulled out phones and started dialing. I cupped my hand around Ami's face, beginning to sob. "Ami...! Ami, Stay with me!" I stammered out between sobs. "Ami, I love you, you can't leave me!" I held her closer to me and sobbed into her neck as the distant sound of ambulance sirens became louder. In no time, the ambulance had arrived and she was pulled in on a stretcher. A medical worker approached me. "Are you coming into the ambulance to ride with your friend?" Without hesitation, I nodded and he helped me in. I sat next to Ami and squeezed her hand. "Please be ok, Ami..." I whispered to her. I knew she couldn't hear me, but I couldn't help it.


	8. Chapter 8

"WHAT?!" Kaz's voice screamed into my ear through the phone receiver. I cringed, his screaming adding onto my headache. I couldn't find the words to say, so I just replied with a sniffle. "I told you to be careful! How did this even happen?!" He lowered his voice slightly. "I... I don't know..." I managed out. "I... We were just walking... and... and... this guy... he just... came out of nowhere..." I stumbled over my words, and Kaz interrupted me with a sharp sigh. "Okay... just... calm down..." His tone was significantly softer. "I just want to know if Ami is okay." It took me a moment to gather my senses enough to speak again. "I... I haven't heard anything yet..." There was a brief pause. "Alright..." Kaz said finally. "Tell me where you're at, and I'll be there right away. If any paparazzi show up before I get there, make sure you don't tell them shit." I swallowed. "Alright..." After giving him directions and exchanging a few words, I hung up the pay phone and hurried back to where I was sitting. It was an uncomfortable bench just outside of Ami's room. I started biting my fingernails, scraping off some of the dark purple nail polish with my teeth. It only took Kaz about twenty minutes to find me. I could see his worried expression worsen as he got a good look at me. My face was covered in smeared makeup, my dress was now stained with blood and I was shaking more than I ever had before. "Yumi..." He knelt down in front of me and instantly, without thinking, I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. I caught him off guard, so he hesitated before wrapping his arms around me securely. I had never thought that I would ever let Kaz see me cry, but I couldn't hold back this time.

It felt like an eternity had passed. I finally stopped crying on Kaz, and he sat next to me on the bench. He didn't complain that I hugged him too tight, and he didn't complain about the mascara stains that I left on his t-shirt. We just sat in silence. Finally, a doctor came out of the room and approached us. I jumped up quickly, desperation filling my entire body. "How is she? Will she be okay?" I felt more tears coming. The doctor gave me a supportive smile. "She's alright. She broke a rib and needs a few stitches on her shoulder, but other than that, she's just got some scrapes and bruises, and possibly a mild concussion." I felt a small wave of relief rush through me, and I heard Kaz let out a relieved sigh. "What a relief..." He said to himself softly. "A-am I allowed to see her?" I bit my lip. The doctor gave me a small nod. "She's still asleep, but you can see her." He motioned for us to enter the room, and I didn't hesitate. I hurried straight to her side and scanned her. Her breathing was still ragged, but it was more steady than it had been before. She had an army of bandages on her face and chest, along with a couple bruises. As I took her hand in mine, I began crying into it. "A-Ami..." My crying gradually turned to sobbing. "I'm so sorry... I couldn't save you this time..." I held her hand against my face and continued sobbing. Eventually, I ended up passing out with my head in her lap.

I woke up to my hair being played with. It felt so nice that I couldn't bring myself to move, the bliss paralyzing me. I finally managed to make myself sit up. "Good morning, Yumi." Ami said in a sing song voice. She smiled at me, and it made me feel conflicted. I felt so happy that she could still smile at me, but I still felt guilty for being unable to help her again. "Ami..." Before I could say anything more, she took my hand in hers. "Yumi, stop. I know you, and I know you're blaming yourself." In shock, I took in a deep breath. "Don't worry about it. You can't control what other people do. We were drinking, so neither of us were very coordinated." Her hand tightened around mine. "You were there with me through it all, and that's all I really needed." She gave me a warm look, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I was speechless. She quickly wiped it away with her free hand. "Hey, it's alright." I held her hand to my face and looked down. "I was just... so scared..." She stroked my cheek with her thumb. "I know. I'm sorry for worrying you." I gulped, a small trickle of courage coming to me. "I thought I might lose you, and I don't think I could handle that." She gave me a sweet, sympathetic look. "That's why I think I should tell you..." She looked at me puzzled as I stood up. I took a deep breath. "...I should tell you... that... I..." I felt my face get very warm. Ami blinked up at me, waiting. "... I'm in love with you!" And with that, I dashed out of the room as fast as possible. "Yumi!" I heard her call after me, but I kept running. I ducked inside the nearest bathroom and hid myself in a stall. Why did I do that...? Why did I say that?! What is Ami going to say?! All I new was that I needed a quick breather. After taking in a few minutes of silence, I felt my phone vibrating in my bra. I pulled it out and flipped it open. There was a new text message from Kaz. I opened it up. "hey why did u run out of amis room?" showed up on the screen. I sighed, not wanting to explain anything. "It's complicated, I'm not going to text it to you." I hit send and closed my phone, holding it in my hand. A few seconds later, it buzzed again. I opened the message. "well she seems a bit upset & wants 2 talk 2 u" I texted back "I just need a moment to put my feelings in order." and put my face in my hands. I was extremely nervous about talking to her again. After a moment, I left the stall to splash my face with water. The cold water felt wonderful against my face. I took a good look at myself, my face dripping with water. I let out a sigh, wiped my face dry, and left the bathroom nervously.

I stood next to the doorway, still nervous. "Oh, where is she?" Ami sounded kind of sad. "I texted her, she said something about sorting out some feelings." Kaz replied kind of dryly. "I have something very important to tell her..." Ami sighed. "Do you want me to look for her?" Kaz offered. "No, you don't have to do that..." She replied. I looked down at my shoes, thinking for a moment. Finally, I approached the doorway. Both Ami and Kaz looked up at me. "Yumi!" they said simultaneously. "Hey Kaz, that's a jinx. You owe Ami a coke." I smirked at him. "Maybe you should go get her one." Kaz let out a frustrated grumble and walked out of the room. I entered the room and closed the door behind me. I then turned around to find Ami looking at me with a serious look on her face. I slowly approached her. "Look... Ami..." She grabbed me by the wrists and pulled me down so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over her. Before I could react, she pulled my face down to hers and planted a firm kiss on my lips. It took me a second to process what had just happened, but after a second, I kissed her back. Ami pulled away and looked at me. "Yumi, do you know how long I have waited for you to say those words to me?" All I could do was smile and kiss her again. For once, I was filled to the brim with pure happiness. Her lips were amazing. They were visibly chapped, but they still felt so soft against mine. She sat up and I instantly wrapped my arms around her. In reply, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt a heavy burden being lifted off of me in that moment. The voices in my head packed up and left. I no longer felt like I needed to hurt myself for anyone. I felt like all I needed was Ami, and judging by Ami's eagerness to kiss me, I was all she needed.

. . .

It had been a week since Ami was finally discharged from the hospital. She no longer had any bandages on, and she looked as vibrant as ever. I was glad to see her so happy. I was glad to see ME happy for once. We sat on my bedroom floor to have a jam session. I pulled out my acoustic guitar and my favorite practicing pick. I strummed freely for a moment before getting an idea in my head. I played a chord. "All you need is love..." I sang. Ami looked at me and smiled brightly. "All you need is love!" She joined in then. "All you need is love..."

"Love is all you need...!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this! this is the end of the main story, but sometimes i write little AYNIS-verse ami/yumi drabbles, so any chapters after this are just little tiny drabbles of the girls doing stuff together.


	9. Chapter 9

Yumi's P.O.V.

I flipped through the pages of a new book I had gotten that day while music flooded from my headphones and into my ears. I hummed along with the lyrics while my eyes danced around the pages. I was on my bed laying on my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows. I yawned loudly and promptly heard a knock on my door. I pulled the headphones out of my ears and rolled off of the bed. Straightening my clothes out, I walked over and opened the door. I was greeted by a smiling Ami, holding a small box. "Hey, Yumi! Can I come in?" I blinked, looking at the box and then at her, then smiled. "Of course! You don't really need to ask anymore, you know." Ami giggled in response. "It's just a force of habit." She walked in and closed the door behind her, then sat herself on the bed. I sat next to her and pointed at the box. "What's that?" Ami smiled at me, a hint of smugness on her face. "A gift...~" I gave her a confused look. "What for...?" Ami looked kind of shocked. "Don't tell me you forgot...!" She waited a moment to see if I would say something, but I just shrugged. She finally got a huge smile on her face. "Today marks the day that you haven't cut yourself for a whole year!" My jaw dropped a little. "Ami, you remembered that?" She leaned forward slightly. "Of course I did! And as a gift..." With a blush, she stood up and turned towards me. She knelt down on one knee in front of me, and she pulled the box open to reveal a shiny ring with a dazzling purple gem. I gasped sharply and put my hands to my face, my jaw dropped so far that my mouth was at it's limit. "Yumi... Would you stay with me forever...?" She smiled lovingly at me, and I felt tears starting to come to my eyes. I gently took the ring and slid it onto my ring finger. "Of course...!" I slid off of the bed and kissed her passionately while wrapping my arms around her. She kissed back in response, smiling against my lips.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Leave me alone...!** _

_**Let go of me, leave me alone!** _

_**Stop it!** _

_**NO!** _

\----------------------------------

I shot upright in bed with a loud gasp. My chest was heaving and I was near drenched in a cold sweat. I looked down at my hands, then moved them to clutch at my face. 'I'm okay? ... Yeah, I'm okay.' My arm fell to my side as I let out a sigh of relief, the other moving to clutch my shirt just above my heart. I was slightly startled when the figure next to me in the bed stirred, but a wave of relief washed it away upon seeing the messy pink locks. "Mm, Yumi...?" Ami said sleepily, followed by a tiny yawn. "What's the matter?" I gave her a reassuring smile. "Nothing. It was just a nightmare." I looked over to see her pink orbs filled with concern. "Are you sure? You seem shaken up." I just widened my smile. "I'm sure, I be fi-" 

I was interrupted by the sound of a loud crash coming from the kitchen. I jumped and ended up falling forwards to clutch onto Ami for dear life. Immediately, I felt her arms wrap around me tightly. "Shh... It's alright, Yumi. I'm pretty sure that was just Kaz being clumsy as usual." As if on cue, I could hear Kaz's muffled cursing from the other room. I could feel my body trembling, and Ami could too, judging by how much more tightly she held me then. "See?" Her voice was gentle and hushed. "Just Kaz. There's nothing to be afraid of, Yumi." She gently eased me back down on the bed and we just layed there holding each other tightly. I could hear Ami's heart beat, and it soothed my nerves in no time. It wasn't long before we both fell asleep again, my dreams more pleasant this time around.


End file.
